It's wrong, but it feels right

It's wrong, but it feels right

June 20th 2014, when he started asking me to go out on a dinner date with him at a seafood restaurant in MOA.

because it's my day off that night, I decided to go out with him. We met at MOA around 8:00pm, I was late because of traffic, I arrived around 8:30pm.

We sat outside the seafood restaurant to smoke while waiting for our food to serve. We were facing each other while smoking, and then he stood up and he seated beside me. Our topic that night was all about random things, we were talking about anything under the sun. It was fun because there was no dull and dead air moments.

After we eat, he grabbed my hand and he said that “c’mon let’s walk like couples, while he’s holding my hand and walking he said that he likes me, and I was not expecting that. He is a sweet guy, gentlemen, smart, he has a good sense of humor.

It was raining that night and we were supposed to go home. While we were waiting for a taxi he said that he doesn’t want to go home yet, he asked me if we can go somewhere. Alam niyo na kung saan yun!

I was not attracted at him at first, but after a month I started liking him. One day I saw him in our office, only to find out that we work at the same place. I was shocked because he told me that he is working on a different place.

Our landian moments lasted for almost 3 months. And then one day I thought everything was okay between the two of us, we text, we chat, we hang out. And then one night we were supposed to meet, he send me a message saying that he already have a girlfriend for 2 years and her girlfriend is on a vacation, his office mates knew his gf. He said he was afraid that his office mates will know about me and him.

I'am physically and emotionally falling for him, I thought he is the one for me, but I'm wrong, He lied to me. I'm supposed to get angry but I can't, I don't know why? He asked me if we can just keep our relationship a secret.

And because I really like him so much, pumayag ako, inisip ko nalang na okay na to kesa naman wala.

Nag set kami ng mga rules.

Limited lang ang oras namin pag magkasama kami.

May mga oras na hindi ako pwedeng mag text o mag chat sa kanya.

Iba ang names niya sa phone ko, iba rin ang name ko sa phone niya.

Hindi niya ako pwedeng sunduin at ihatid sa mismong bahay namin.

Sa office pag nagkasalubong kami, hindi kami pwedeng mag pansinan.

Pumayag ako sa ganitong set up dahil gusto ko siya at tanga ako.

Naging other girl niya ako. Ako yung tinatawagan niya pag hindi siya pinagbibigyan ng gf niya.

Ako yung tinatawagan niya kapag wala siyang kasamang kumain.

Ako yung nag aalaga sa kanya kapag nalalasing siya at naliligo sa sarili niyang suka.

Ako yung nag papangiti sa kanya kapag malungkot siya.

Ako yung taga hilot niya pag masakit ang ulo niya.

Ako yung laging nanjan kapag wala siyang makausap.

Ako yung nakikinig sa non sense niyang jokes.

Ako yung nakikinig sa kanta niyang mali mali ang lyrics.

Ako ang audience niya kapag nag sasayaw siya na parang baliw.

Ako yung nakikipag sayaw sa kanya kahit walang music.

In short, I’m the one who is always there for him. Martir ang peg! Minsan gusto ko na siyang iwan , pero parang may pumipigil sa akin.

Sabi ng isa kong kaibigan “Maybe because his gf cannot give him you can”.

Minsan gusto kong mabasa kung anong nasa isip niya, para makita ko kung nandun ba ako?

Ipinagpatuloy namin ang sikretong relasyon namin, kahit alam kong mali ito, masaya ako e, masaya kami.

We celebrated Valentine’s day, Christmas ,New Year, my Birthday and his birthday

on a different date.

Kailangan namin palaging magtago. Noong pumayag akong maging other girl niya I told him that I fully understand this kind of set up.

I know that he is committed with someone else, but we never talk about her gf.

Minsan umasa ako na magiging kami,kahit alam kong malabo, minsan gusto kong sabihin na mahal ko siya pero wag nalang, alam ko naman kasi kung sino talaga ang mahal niya at kung ano talaga ako sa buhay niya.

Everytime he holds my hand  it feels right, Everytime he hugs me, it feels right, Everytime he says he misses me it feels right, Everytime he kisses me it feels right. Everytime were together it feels right, but at the back of my mind it is wrong. It is wrong to love someone who is already in love with someone else.